Meeting My Mom’s Garden

I know if you’re here, you’re probably looking for information about either being blonde, Asian, or both. But this week I finally had the opportunity to tend to my Mom’s garden. There are other facets to myself, and this felt like something that should have an audience here.

We finally had some nice Michigan weather, so HP and I took advantage of it. I won’t say I was avoiding this, but I knew my knowledge of plants and gardening was abysmal. I had an idea of some of the plants in her flower beds, so I did some research and used AI to help me get a basic understanding of what certain plants would need from me and when they would need it.

HP is my boyfriend, and he grew up on a farm. He has a lot more base knowledge about plants. However, his experience is limited when it comes to flowers. So in a way, we are learning her garden together.

This is evidence of her nurturing and care outside of me. Her thumb was incredibly green, and I’m more than willing and excited to try my hand at plants.

Today I stopped thinking about myself as cleaning up my Mom’s garden.

I’m meeting her garden.

This was my experience meeting my Mom’s garden.

I also know some people may find this because they inherited a garden, bought a house with one, or simply woke up one day and realized they were responsible for a bunch of plants.

If that’s you, I should be clear that I have no gardening credentials whatsoever. I’m learning as I go. The same way I eventually learned about hair, I’m hoping that time, experience, and paying attention will teach me what I need to know.

I Had Never Gardened Before

Yes. I’m 40 and have never gardened.

I don’t think that’s terribly shocking, but I know I’ve actively avoided things that put me outside for extended periods of time or made me dirty. I’ve planted a couple of things, but I’ve never created and maintained plant life.

I really didn’t know what the first things that needed to be done were.

HP was cutting the grass, so I went to the Japanese Maple and started getting rid of obviously dead things. I knew I had missed the window to properly prune and clean it up. I was concerned I was going to kill this tree, but the dead branches did their part and snapped easily, letting me know they were definitely dead.

Even then, I was moving slowly and apprehensively.

After mowing, HP seemed to have inherent direction, so I took my limited, researched knowledge and just rode the wave with him.

We Started Pulling Weeds

The first thing we did together was pull weeds.

Once he finished mowing, I was able to point at things and confidently identify what was a weed and what wasn’t. HP would agree and give them a yank. Some were pretty comfortable in their spot, so he’d do what he could. We trimmed some of the more difficult ones down and planned to deal with them when we got back from our trip. We can’t use weed killer because these big boys were right in the heart of the flower beds.

As I pulled out the smaller weeds, I started remembering how I sort of did this with my mom and dad when I was really little. They always told me to shake out the dirt and make sure I got the root.

I never remembered monster weeds like the ones we were encountering.

My mom was very diligent about her yard. She used to joke that she needed to pull weeds so the house wouldn’t get condemned. Lol. There were like two dandelions back then.

As a result, I really feel the drive to handle these weeds.

Then I Started Recognizing Things

This is when my extremely limited gardening knowledge started to get its legs.

I was able to confidently say what was and wasn’t a weed. In the front yard, I could clearly identify the rose bushes, Japanese Spirea, peonies, and, more obviously, the Japanese Maple.

I realized half the battle is knowing when to pull something and when to leave it alone.

My confidence in learning how to garden shot up.

I’m pretty sure the volunteer plants popping up everywhere and proving difficult to remove were mulberries. I had never seen these anywhere near our house before.

Then something else happened.

The overall shape started emerging.

The shape from my childhood.

The majority of these plants were there when I was in kindergarten. They’re all just larger now. I mean, that’s what should happen. Moving into her house forced me to notice things I just never thought about.

But realizing these flowers were there for all my graduations was strange. They were being nurtured by my mom because she loved flowers and gardening.

HP said keeping a garden is almost like taking care of children. They require time and individual attention. Some more than others. None of them can really reach their full potential completely alone.

The Garden Started Looking Familiar Again

Once HP cleared the mass growth of the big boy weeds, the garden beds in the front yard started looking familiar again.

I couldn’t believe that type of repetitive and oddly satisfying work could produce results so quickly.

The shapes of the garden started coming through exactly as I remembered them. I didn’t think I took them for granted, but now I realize I did.

I remembered that, in my childhood mind, the layout my mom planned sparked some friendly competition with my dad’s flower beds. My parents weren’t married, but when I was little my dad was around more and helped with projects like this.

I’m realizing these plants are one of the places where I remember my parents working together and including me.

Even though I never gardened as an adult, I did pull weeds with my parents. They told me exactly how to do it, why they did it, and to make sure I picked up all the mess so nothing got re-rooted.

My Mom Would Have Been Doing This

We also found the bag of mulch she probably intended to put down last season.

A lot of what we were encountering looked like she planned to do her final pruning that weekend she passed.

That was sad to think about.

At the same time, it motivated me to finish what she started.

Preserving the Garden Doesn’t Mean Freezing It

I see meeting and maintaining the garden that’s here as continuing a legacy.

A lot of these plants are still here because she put them there. I remember many of them from childhood. When I was little, she had even more flowers all over the yard. There are pictures of me walking around with a bucket, picking pretty flowers to my heart’s desire.

As life continued and my mom started to age, she scaled back.

I looked around the backyard and realized how much was gone.

Not because those plants simply decided to die, but because as they disappeared, she allowed the space to be reclaimed by grass.

I started to cry.

I wish she would have said something because I would have tried my best to help.

But knowing my mom, she probably didn’t want to bother me. It’s also very likely she simply chose to focus on the larger garden beds that mattered most to her.

I know things like this take time, but my hope is to put back some of those flowers I remember.

That’s a next-year thing.

But I really want to do it.

Conclusion

The time we spent together working on my Mom’s garden for the first time is something I will always hold close to my heart.

I really do feel like I’m picking up where she left off, but it feels natural, not forced.

I thought I would be stressed out and constantly worried about dropping the ball because of everything I don’t know. Instead, after one day of containing the weeds, I recognized what was there.

The garden feels less intimidating now.

I’m still learning, and AI has actually been helpful for answering basic questions and giving me a place to start. But more than anything, I think I just needed to spend time out there.

I also feel like this is another way my partner and I will share a bond. He grew up on a farm, and weeding with his family was something he did until he moved away for college. His spirit was so light that day, and his guidance made me feel like I was with the right person.

I thought I was cleaning up my Mom’s garden.

What I was really doing was meeting it.

I’m excited to see what we do next.