I think our brains are overstimulated, across the board. It’s easy to disappear into worry about whether I’m doing the right thing, but my mom used to say, “You can’t change the outcome.” She wasn’t telling me to be careless. She encouraged preparation, not agony. That distinction stuck.
These are a few things I don’t overthink anymore.
Saying “No”
I don’t know if this is the Midwesterner in me, but there was a time when saying no felt nearly impossible. If I did say no, I had an excuse loaded and ready in case I was questioned. Looking back, that feels silly.
“No” is a complete answer.
If “no” feels too harsh, here’s how I think about it now. When someone asks me to do something and I say no, that’s not just an answer. It’s a decision point for them. They can either introduce emotion and waste time, or they can move on to the next option. Stalling a no can put someone in a worse position, especially when time is involved.
“No,” gets easier the more you use it.
Comfort
Comfort shouldn’t be something anyone has to negotiate, whether that’s physical or emotional. Still, a lot of us tolerate discomfort just to smooth things over and keep things moving.
When I thought about this section, my mind went straight to clothing. I don’t overthink comfort anymore because it took me most of my life to arrive here. In my twenties, I spent a lot of time uncomfortable in clothes and shoes because I wanted people to appreciate how I looked. I wish I could tell twenty-something me that people liked me because I was a good person. It was never the clothes.
I do mourn the loss of people making a real effort to dress up for special occasions, but fashion lanes have widened. There are comfortable options now that still look professional. I’m aware of societal pressure to look polished and presentable. I just won’t be wearing Louboutins anytime soon, on purpose, unless I’m getting paid.
This version of comfort feels final because I’m happier. I didn’t let myself go. I let myself be happy.
First Impressions
They say you only get one chance to make a good first impression. At this point, I just want to make an impression.
When I first learned how much first impressions supposedly mattered, I tried hard to get them right. Then I started paying attention to other people’s first impressions and realized how much pressure we put on a single moment. It’s too much.
I think I make decent first impressions. I still have the normal nerves when meeting people who matter to my friends or loved ones, but what makes my first impression work is me. I show up as myself, hair and all.
My ex made excellent first impressions. Over time, they became canned and almost fake. It got uncomfortable. He’s an ex for a reason.
Most people just want to fit in and feel comfortable. Since I care less about how I’m being judged, I’d rather help someone else relax than perform.
My Life Schedule
How many women have been asked by an older person when they’re going to have a baby? Exactly.
I tried to live my life on the expected timeline. I did the things at the right times. The result was divorce and trauma I didn’t ask for. I don’t know why there’s so much pressure to get married, have kids, buy a house, and lock down a career in a specific order. Those things can contribute to a good life, but they aren’t the only way to have one.
I dated a guy with a high-pressure job and a salary to match. I’ve never seen someone kiss so much ass. He worked constantly and partied hard to balance it out. It seemed exciting at the time. Now I don’t understand why money was worth giving so much of your life to other people. That just isn’t me.
I was 26 when I got married. I wasn’t ready. My mom never pressured me, but family friends asked. My peers were getting married, so obviously I needed to as well. It’s funny now.
When someone I’m close to gets engaged, I usually say, “It’s easy to get into, harder to get out.” Then I follow it up with, “I love you. I want what you want. Don’t hate me.”
Where I’m At Now
I don’t understand why people care so much about things that aren’t their business. That’s why I don’t overthink them anymore. I may have less than I did ten years ago, but I’m exponentially happier.
That’s where I’m leaving it.
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