Why I Went Blonde in the First Place
If I really boil it down, I went blonde for two reasons that don’t actually belong together.
When I was still performing, I once got a note from a director. The gist was that my face read as too “hard.” I wish he’d just said RBF. The suggestion was that lightening my hair might make me seem more approachable. I had zero interest in following that advice at the time. Keeping my hair black and untreated was part of my Medium Maintenance identity back then. Still, the fact that someone felt comfortable saying it stayed with me longer than I expected. It lodged itself somewhere in my brain and percolated.
Jump scare to 2014. I was older, already maintaining highlights, and clearly that note had finally gotten to me. I wanted a change, and my hairdresser mentioned something Kim Kardashian had done. I did not love her platinum era, but apparently she toned it down. I didn’t hate it. So I went for it.
The decision to go fully blonde wasn’t some grand identity shift. It was oddly serendipitous. I did it on a whim, and now here we are.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I wasn’t just changing my hair color. I was changing how I’d be read.
What I Thought I Was Changing
At first, I was just bored. I wanted something different. Even though my highlights were fine and my hair was healthy, I still felt like a generic version of myself. Full blonding hadn’t even seemed feasible to me because my hair is naturally very dark. I also had no idea what the cost would be.
I got lucky. My hairdresser worked at Macy’s, and corporate pricing made it more accessible. Still not cheap, but not outrageous. At the time, I truly believed I was just changing my hair and everything else would remain the same.
What Actually Changed in Public
People seemed genuinely happier to see me, which was confusing in a way that’s hard to explain without sounding dramatic. I was honestly bamboozled. My jokes suddenly landed better. Introductions didn’t feel sticky. Conversations that used to take a minute to warm up just… didn’t. I hadn’t changed my personality or delivery, so I was left thinking, okay, so this is new.
In social situations, people complimented my hair almost immediately. That meant the ice was broken before I even had to open my mouth. I don’t have trouble talking to people, but I don’t always feel like being the one who starts. Blonde hair seemed to diffuse some low-grade social tension. It gave people a way in that wasn’t about figuring me out first. Even when I wasn’t in the mood to perform, interactions felt lighter.
There was another side to it, though. I noticed women shielding their partners from me. Some women clearly didn’t like me on sight. A friend once told me that if she had a boyfriend and didn’t know me, she wouldn’t leave him alone in a room with me. That comment stuck.
I do think I’m a kind person. I also know I can come off bitchy. Blonde somehow amplified both interpretations at the same time. I ended up developing a strange kind of social armor, something I didn’t realize I was doing until much later. It helped deflect death stares from women who had already decided they didn’t like me without knowing anything about me. Being read as more approachable didn’t cancel out being read as threatening. It just changed the shape of it.
What Stayed the Same Internally
Internally, I felt like the same exact person. What changed wasn’t my personality, but my awareness. Instead of assuming people just thought I was super cool, I became more conscious of how much people scrutinize presentation.
I started paying closer attention to how strangers interacted with me, and that made me more guarded. I think that’s part of how I became more introverted over time. Changing my hair color may have softened how people perceived me, but it sharpened how I perceived them.
Choosing to Stay Blonde
At the end of the day, I kept the blonde. I liked how it made me feel, both inside and out. There are obvious costs, time, planning, and upkeep, but I’m willing to deal with them. If something like this genuinely makes daily life more enjoyable, I’m okay committing to it.
The Weird Middle Feelings
Over time, I noticed that lightening my hair seemed to make small things work in my favor. I’d get picked first. People would let me cut in line. Occasionally, I’d get things for free. At first, I thought people were just being nice. Eventually, I realized it probably had more to do with my hair than my personality.
I didn’t always take advantage of those moments, but when I did, it didn’t feel great. It made me feel like a crappy person, even though I hadn’t asked for any of it.
Another layer of discomfort came from how I was raised as a Filipino + American. My mom didn’t want me dyeing my hair until I was old enough, and I’m grateful for that. She believed the hair I was born with was beautiful and didn’t need extreme alteration. I internalized that as: if you’re proud of being Filipino, you don’t need to assimilate or westernize yourself.
When I finally visited her fully blonde, I was bracing for a lecture. Instead, she said it suited me. She never said anything negative about it. I think she saw how happy and confident I was. That moment made the weird feelings feel a little less weird.
Where I Landed
Committing to long-term blonding didn’t change who I am at my core, but it did create defenses I didn’t expect to need. I made a decision on a whim that made me happier and more confident, and as a result, I’ve experienced a lot of bias I’m still trying to understand.
I’m not sure how I feel about all of it. I just know it changed more than my hair.
Leave a Reply